we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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