Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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