Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
