Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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