Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
