Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You don't make any sense
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