Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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