what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
