PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
