she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
