I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
ttyl tear gas
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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