he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
