There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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