you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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