I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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