i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
