watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
