you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
