Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
