yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
