You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
