like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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