Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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