I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
