Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I can't turn off my feet"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
