She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
