So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
