She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
