Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
