How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
