just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
