mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Boobs are out for the taking
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I came so hard my ears popped.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
