We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
