Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
