found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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