thus making me awesome and them whores
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
