I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
