just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
