he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
