you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
