But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
