Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
