you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
