i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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