okay pat passed out under dana's car
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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