i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
