Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
