i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
