I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
