I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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