Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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